“臭妈妈,我打死你!”当孩子说狠话时,你的回答很重要

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"Hey! Smelly mom, I killed you, you are a bad guy!"

When visiting the mall, Yan Milin’s son sailed because her mother did not buy him a Wang Wang team doll, and called Lin and called again.

The girlfriends screamed and slammed into the car and closed the car door. After closing the door, they yelled at the navigation: "How many times have you said, you are not allowed to swear, you are still jealous."

The flight "wow" and cried.

My girlfriend said with a helpless face, the recent voyage began to say swearing and swearing, and every day I put "smell mother, hit you, go to die." on the mouth, the more I stopped, the more I became, and she began to doubt life. Reflecting on yourself, I feel that there is a problem with my education.

Why do children start to talk nonsense if they are a little dissatisfied?

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Because they grow up, their self-awareness is gradually strengthened, and they hope that they can control everything, but they are full of fear and lack of necessary security.

So they will try their best to prove their strength.

When you are not satisfied or dissatisfied, first use language to indicate non-cooperation;

If the language does not work, it begins to resist through attitudes and actions.

Psychologist Wu Zhihong said:

When the child's vitality is seen, it becomes good, such as enthusiasm and love;

When the child's vitality is not seen, it becomes black, such as anger, attack, and destructive.

How much child needs you to attack you (human).

What they need is: Mom, listen to me and see what I really look like.

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What are the needs behind the child’s irritating behavior:

xx1. Incorrect expression of emotions

Ma Shuya’s daughter, Miya, was only 4 years old when she participated in a variety show《妈妈是超人》with her mother, but she was a rebellious little girl:

Mother asked her to buy oranges, she had to buy bread;

Pushing the younger brother away, saying that it is the younger brother who beat her;

To eat ice cream, lie on the ground and roll;

Mother let her sleep, she refused, not only to take the pig Peggy, but also to fight and step on the mother.

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There are reasons behind every child's behavior.

Behind her rebellious and offensive, she interprets her needs from language to action:

Mother helped me.

Those swear words and attacks are one of the ways she vents her feelings.

Because she doesn't know how to express her emotions correctly, she can only use her words to express her inner dissatisfaction or express her own opinion.

I disagree.

I am not happy.

I do not like.

2. Feel the power of language

For a while, the kindergarten teacher told me that her daughter likes to say "I hate you." I only understood after careful inquiry that my daughter just wanted to see the expression of "sudden slap" or "grievance" when the child heard this sentence.

In fact, at a certain time when children grow up, they will like to use language such as "sucking, dying, rolling, killing, playing" in interpersonal relationships.

Because such a language is powerful, it can influence and even manipulate the emotions of others.

xx孩子们说这些话意味着孩子们有强烈的语言感,他们会反复使用它,不断地测试,发展自己的力量,观察别人的反应,试图吸引他人的注意力或实现他们的目标。

这也是3-6岁儿童在“恐怖3”诅咒敏感时期的特征。

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来源《巴黎淘气帮》

别担心,耶鲁大学的Paul Bloom博士说:

“这只是对孩子的一种语言学习。一个咒骂的句子对孩子没有特殊意义。他们会逐渐明白这些词语是禁忌的。”

在这一点上,我们只需要耐心地引导。当这个阶段结束时,孩子自然不会说出这些话。

3.寻求爱与关注

综艺节目《放学后》,高子恺的母亲正在忙着照顾即将作为嘉宾来访的堂兄。忽略高子恺。无论是悄悄打破玩具还是拥抱毯子,母亲的口语都是:

嗨儿子,你是兄弟,你必须让你的妹妹。

当高子恺受到母亲的严厉训斥时,他带着怨气回到了家里。他走路时悲伤地喃喃道:我想自己做。

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来源《巴黎淘气帮》

甚至躲在他的婴儿床的角落里,蜷缩成一个球正在暗中哭泣。

后来,高子恺面对镜头说出了他的心:我不喜欢堂兄到我家,因为那样我的生活就会改变,母亲的爱也会改变。

在每个孩子的心中,爸爸妈妈都是独一无二的,他们希望妈妈和爸爸能够爱自己。

很多时候,在孩子们咒骂和做错事后,他们只是想让父母和母亲的眼睛留在他们身上一段时间。

4.多样化模仿的结果

《放学后》在安静中,当高子的心爱的玩具被打破时,高子凯脱口而出:“看看你做的好事。”

有人问高子恺的母亲:“你经常在家里说这个吗?”

Takako的母亲笑了,默认。

有一段时间,对面邻居的孩子们每天都喜欢看动画片《熊出没》。每天,秃熊的话语都是熊的话语,“幽灵”,“臭熊”,“去死”.

孩子是一个天生的观察者,在观察和模仿出生后其他人的行为后长大。

他们最初的模仿是他们自己的家庭,随着他们的成长,他们联系的人和事物的数量增加了,模仿的对象不再局限于家庭成员。

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来源《巴黎淘气帮》

他们会看到什么会在生活中直接模仿和表达,但缺乏判断是非的能力,也不了解什么是正确的,什么是错的。

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面对孩子说话,很多妈妈都会问:我该怎么办?有时候你对烟雾很生气,特别是当有很多人的时候,它特别令人尴尬!

1.用正常心脏治疗

在美剧《摩登家庭》中,当小女孩百合学会咒骂时,爸爸忍不住笑了起来。后来,当爸爸把她带到朋友的婚礼上时,莉莉故意说了很多咒骂,并希望爸爸和朋友们开心。结果适得其反,但莉莉不明白它在哪里。

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《摩登家庭》

当心理学家斯金纳研究人类行为的修正时,提出的“回归”方法非常适合指导儿童的行为:

当孩子刚开始说脏话或咒骂时,我们可以像往常一样直接忽略它。

因为我们关心的越多,我们停止的越多,他们说的就越多。

很多时候,孩子们看到这些语言,没有达到他们想要的效果,并逐渐失去对这些语言的兴趣。

2.引导正确的表达

用正确的词语表达想法是孩子不寻常的情感和行为的关键。

昨天,我的女朋友和我的孩子一起来到我家,这个孩子刚满岁。我的女儿看着我们转过身来,突然变得嫉妒:

继续打电话给妈妈和妈妈;

喝一会儿水,吃一会儿水果;

故意将电视声音调整为响亮的声音.

她的行为成功引起了我的注意。我抱住她,亲吻她的脸说:你想让你的母亲拥抱你并吻你,对吗?

她脸上露出一朵花,满意地点点头,跑回房间,遇到麻烦的孩子走了。

当孩子因情绪异常而语言行为异常时,我们可以引导他们并正确地说出他们内心的感受:我很累,我很生气,我很沮丧.

正确地指导他们学会正确表达情感既可以消极情绪,也可以避免异常的语言和行为。

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《巴黎淘气帮》

3.必须遵守的小原则

孩子充满咒骂和咒骂的阶段只是成长历程的一小部分,很快就会过去;但是,当孩子习惯说脏话时,我们也必须有坚持原则。

《妈妈是超人3》中,嗯哼家里来了两位小客人,霍思燕忙着照顾他们,无意中忽视了儿子嗯哼的感受,嗯哼开始发脾气,说各种狠话:

我不想跟你一起做火箭了;

不想给你买一百个化妆品了;

我不想和你说话了;

晚上不跟你睡了.

霍思燕冷静地应对他:

“你自己冷静冷静吧,你今天真的很不乖。”

“随便你”

“好,那就绝交了,对吧。”

一向温和宽容的霍思燕,在嗯哼说狠话的时候,却如此坚决地维护自己的立场,只是想让孩子明白:

这种话不能乱说,这种行为也不可以有

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事实上,最好的亲子时光,也是最好的教育时光。

会好好说话的父母,即使孩子一时落入说狠话的误区里,也会很快地走出来,因为父母是原件,孩子是复印件。

如果父母之间不好好说话,不仅有损夫妻之间的感情,孩子最终也会习得父母的样子。

孩子满嘴脏话,狠话,只是成长路程的一个小插曲,很快就会过去。

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与此相比,他们更需要的是我们能笃定地,有力量地陪伴他们,一起走过人生中的特殊时期。我们就会发现,那些生命里的小插曲,都是温暖一生的美好回忆。

成长兔育儿(ID: ibabyfs),亲子,育儿,启蒙,家庭,关注0-6岁宝宝成长话题,与400万妈妈共同分享。

XX本文作者:筱泓,国家心理咨询师,期刊写手,多家新媒体平台签约作者,知音全媒体集团编剧室编剧部分图片来源网络,如有侵权请联系处理

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